I have been struggling trying to figure out what I would do to try to leave my husband. I had a post on here several days ago which was me saying how overweight I was and how my husband said I repulsed him. I went and spoke to a counselor yesterday and told her some things he’s been doing and it really opened my eyes and now I’m ashamed that I’ve been so stupid to stay. He informed me a couple days ago that when I was in the hospital and he had to close on the new house we just moved into that he took my name off and he is the only one that owns our house...... my names not even listed and he even showed me the paperwork. I feel so stupid cause I should have seen the signs about how he didn’t really involve me when all the paperwork and such was filled out for the house. I was going thru a period of illness and ended up in the hospital for a week and a half. He told me he would just take the loan out under his name because that way I wouldn’t have to deal with that headache but he was sure to tell me that my name would be on the paperwork as being an owner too. I trusted him and never would of imagined that he would deceive me in this way.
We have been together for 15 years. He has been extremely controlling for these 15 years and I just always went along with everything because I wanted to avoid a fight. I grew up in a household of abuse and my parents were always fighting and yelling at each other or at me and when my husband yells I shut down because it scares me so I’ve always just agreed with him out of fear. He made a rule when we got married that his money is his money and my money is my money. He brings in $5,000 plus a month from his disability from the army, and I just squeak by barely enough to pay any bills and often go without important things I need like medicine, food, ect cause I don’t have the money.
I pay half of the house payment, half of the power and utilities bills, I have to buy my own food, and I have to pay half of whatever else that he shares with me right down to the toilet paper we get at Costco. I was always okay with this because I didn’t want to fight. He’s telling me he wants me out first thing in the morning because I told him last night that I couldn’t live the way we’re living anymore and that I went to see a counselor. I won’t go on and on about all the controlling things he’s done and continues to do. But he has made me feel so worthless all these years that I find myself always second guessing the decisions I make because I feel ignorant and inadequate with myself. I’m afraid of so many things and I feel my world crashing down and it’s even more out of control then before.
Now that I voiced how unhappy I was he’s kicking me out. And now I don’t know what I will do on such short notice. I don’t have any money right now to put down a deposit and first and lasts months rent down for a rental (I called around and every place I inquired about told me they needed a deposit and first and last months rent). Heck, right now I don’t have enough money for the first month of rent yet. My car needs work and I’ve been walking to work. I live in a small community and the nearest homeless shelter is at least 4 hours away. I’m scared and come tomorrow morning when he makes me leave I don’t know where I will go. He told me he will start throwing my stuff outside of HIS house if I don’t have it all out by 9am.
I have no family and really no good friends...... we’ve lived in Idaho for 7 years but during this time I’ve always had strange working hours and usually work a lot but and when I wasn’t working my husband wanted me to be cleaning and cooking. And the couple friends I have are couples who also like my husband and I know I can’t ask them to get in the middle of it all. So I think there is nothing I can do about the house because I’m not even listed as an owner. So I’m asking for lots of prayers and any advice I can get. Thank you