0 votes
in Relationship by (14.8k points)

A friend of mine called this morning broke down , insecure , and distraught. She has been in a relationship with this guy for a couple years off and on. Over the years He tells her she is the one, that he has never loved anyone the way he loves her, that all's he ever wanted was her. He waited out about a ten year friendship with her to finally be with her. Says he was always in love with her. BUT....he is cold and neglectful, he puts everyone and everything before her. He has all his friends living in there house in which one is a female , a life long friend that at one point he was in a relationship with. He has kicked my friend out several times, 2 of those times she moved out and moved back in, the last time he moved another one of his exes in for a couple months until he decided he wanted my friend to come back, and of course she is so on love and holds onto so much hope and faith he will love her the way she loves him, the way she deserves to be loved she goes back. Since she has been back he has broken promise after promise, continues putting other things and people before her. When she confronts him on things he tells her she is tripping and to take her meds. Pictures of him on dating websites have been emailed to her and when she confronts him he continues lying saying he has not been on them since they have been back together yet he keeps his phone on lockdown and pretty much cuddles it to sleep. He tells her to pack her shit and go a few times a month then when she is ready to go I'm not sure what happens but she stays. When they make plans he always ends up with something " more important" to do, like yard work of workers ng on vehicles so he can sell them. Then if she decides to leave and go do something soon as she leaves he stops doing what he was doing and goes inside with the female friend , she always comes home to them spending time together, laughing, cooking , etc. So this morning she tells me they got into an argument because he told her they would go out then turned around and called friends to help him work on a car , so after almost 2 hours waiting she decided to take her dog to the river, when she called about 15 or so minutes later he was already inside watching Netflix and of course with the female friend. He didn't bother calling her to tell her he was finished with car and he didn't ask her to come home . Long story I know , he told her later that night after once again telling her to pack her shit and go that he will find someone better.

She has some mental health issues and she already battles with loving and treating herself kind. I have no idea how to help her and show her that the relationship is unhealthy and she deserves the world.

2 Answers

0 votes
am not a expert on this.  I have been married to the same man for 55 years (since I was 22.)  we have 3 daughters in their 50's---2 are divorced so I would say tho we don't know what way to help.  Love them, encourage your friend to stand firm and leave this guy.  We are not asked as women to put up with any abuse (verbal or otherwise.)  Abuse can come from men feeling insecure..  help your friend to walk away and find her a safeplace. with counselling.  In canada we have such places called Transition houses.  We as friends must realize some women choose abuse as they feel that is what they deserve.  The abusive  partner might even tell the victem ( my spelling) is the pits) it is their fault.-------that is why they are called perpatraitors.
0 votes

Okay 1-whose name is the house in

2-who pays rent and bills

Sounds like him and little miss friend have a thing going on....he's using her.


Where does she go when she leaves????


maybe she can come stay with you, then get into counseling...