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in Health by (14.8k points)

I have posted here before but never shared my story!

I am a 40 year old mom of 3 ages 21, 17, and 11! My life has been a roller coaster and I definitely feel like a beautiful disaster or more like just a disaster! 
My parents got divorced when I was 16 and I pretty much so bounced from friends houses becuase my parents were wrapped up in their own drama! Pregnant with my first son at 18 and married his dad becuase that was the right thing to do and had another son with him thinking that would help things! He was very verbally and physically abusive to me! Finally left after 8 years and married my second husband a year after because I felt he would be good for my boys which he was ok but very lazy, complained a lot, ignored me always, never helped and the most negative person ever! Had a daughter with him and left him after 10 years! My family is judgmental and never includes me in anything, every man in my life has disappointed me and I have very low self esteem and never happy with myself! Met the man of my dreams a year ago and we just got married June 1st! He is absolutely amazing and everything I have ever wanted in a man! Took me 20 years of hell to find him! Now if I can just get my head right and be happy with myself! I have a lot of anger, deal with guilt and just wish I could get over my insecurities and stop self sabotaging myself and just look in the mirror and like who I am and what I see! Not that easy but I’m trying

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