I’ve got an issue I need help with.
7 years ago I was dating my now husband and “accidentally” facilitated the birth of a litter of puppies. (His and his roommates dog). I/we kept Bella. Raised her. Got up every couple hours and potty trained her. I mean she was my baby. The perfect dog. Asked permission to get on the bed. Would wait to do things until told she could. Wouldn’t beg. I am talking out police dogs to shame. Monday it was nice weather and she’s been cooped up in the house. I had the door open and the kids were playing in the yard. I told her to go outside and play. I have another dog who’s a good dog but not our baby. She’s a rescue. They both ended up roaming the back. We live on acres and acres of forest out in the woods. Well I went to town and came home. Still no dogs at the door. Called and they didn’t come. Not odd but not weird. Went in got the kids ready for bed and checked the front door. Just Lexie my pit rescue and no Bella. Notice Lexie had blood on her face. In a panic we went down the hwy and found Bella on the side of the road. Someone had hit her and took her off the road and tried to cover her up. We ended up having to shoot her. She couldn’t be saved. I know that. I know the 15 min trip to town and trying to save her would have been for me and not her. I feel like I shouldn’t have let her out. Like I played a role in her death and that my child is gone. I’ve lost a baby mid pregnancy and know that loss. This is no different. I’m having to take sleeping meds to sleep and barely am at functional levels. I’ve lost many people and pets. Nothing like this. We had another dog die about a year ago to cancer. It was actually Bella’s dad. That I was ok w. Not sure what to do. 1 to be ok with myself in the role I played in her passing. 2 for telling my husband to shoot her. And 3 for this guilt I feel wanting to get another puppy.
My husband doesn’t want another dog. I mean we currently have two and 3 cats. He was extremely upset by her and her dads passing and says no more dogs but I know it will help and I won’t be stupid enough to let them go out and roam. Idk what to do or how to deal. Just figured a group this big someone will have had something similar have happen.