Using the past to predict the future:
I had to go within and understand that just because I had a thought about how a real relationship should be, it didn’t mean that a different way couldn’t be great and fulfilling as well.
I was being taught the wonderful gift of staying open to seeing other possibilities that I had not in the past considered because I was too blinded by expecting life to go my way.
We are accustomed to using our past emotions and experiences to predict the future. By doing that, it only leads us to face the same type of experiences we have in the past because we block the possibility of something other than what we think can be great.
Wow, what a lesson!
I took a step back and objectively began to pay attention to all the things I was resisting in my life —not just in this relationship. I realized it made no sense to be so attached to my old ways of seeing the world and understood that this stubborn mindset was what was causing me so much fear and stress. So instead of fighting it, I chose to accept the situation for what it was —he was a busy, complete and an evolved being. My subconscious was not used to that, (lol).
Life was gifting me exactly what I attracted —a fully evolved human, already with a life that was full, fulfilled, and happy. One who didn’t need to be in a relationship at all. He was here because he wanted to be here. I didn’t need to save him. I didn’t need to mold or shape him. He wasn’t going to be my project of ‘potential’ as we often like to do. We often choose people based on potential, not actuality.
It sent my systematic nervous system on overdrive. This guy was the real deal and because my subconscious kept going back into its database to associate him with whatever experiences I had stored in it from my past relationships and experiences, my system would go into an anxiety mode when it couldn’t associate him with any of my old stored patterns. I realized that I was letting myself be defined by how I needed the world to be and that is not what the world actually was.
So I got off the flight-or-fight merry-go-round ride I was stuck on and opened myself to swim with the current of life.
I chose to give the relationship a chance to evolve without trying to force the outcome or the timelines that I originally expected. I stopped resisting things that did not conform to my shoulds. I realized that for everything we encountered in life, there is an alternative reality. I also stopped judging what to me was normal.
After all, what is normal?
Today, a year and a half later, I am grateful that I chose to embrace what life was presenting to me. I am grateful that this relationship isn’t like any other I had before — after all, the others didn’t work so why was I so forceful in wanting this one to be like all the others?
The minute I stopped stressing about not having the exact amount of time with him, the minute I surrendered the need to control and know the how things were going to unfold, that’s the minute I began to experience joy, peace and to really appreciate all the amazing qualities he has that I would not have had the change to experience, had I let my old views prevail.
Something amazing happened. By staying open to the flow of life, staying grateful for the lessons and opportunities being presented, I began to receive ALL the things I had wanted to see and experience in the relationship. The relationship evolved in the most responsible and conscious of ways. Every milestone I had thought I wasn’t going to get, I now have. We travel the world, we laugh, we respect each other’s needs and views, but more importantly, we make a considerable effort to give one another what most matters to the other.
Is the relationship perfect? Of course not. But we don’t waste our precious time arguing about the “shoulds.” We spend the time we have knowing that it’s a gift we are given. None of this would have been possible if I had not accepted life for what it was!
If you continue to resist and push life to conform to your ideal, you will be destined to keep your life living in the realm of 70 percent stress.