The ‘could and should’ are often separated by a big scary void from what actually ‘is’. I spent years living in anxiety and disappointment due to the stories I told myself about how the world needed to be in order for me to feel good and safe. Anything that didn’t turn out the way I had envisioned would set me off on a tantrum, upset and thus, I created a lot of unnecessary stress for my life and those around me, who sadly felt the wrath of my discontent.
It was not until I began to surrender to the flow of life, without judgment and expectation that I began to experience peace in my life. When shit happens as it often does, accepting that not everything will go your way is a quick way to get over the disappointment or preventing the feeling of disappointment altogether.
I spent so much time trying to make sense of why things happened as they did, why someone did what they did, or why someone said what they said — a great recipe for insanity, don’t you think?
I have come to accept that it is not my job to understand why others do what they do. Surrendering the need to know the why of things was a quick way to remove the frustration and disappointment I had in my life. We don’t have to know the why of everything that happens. Sometimes things just are.
Now before you object, I was once like you. I used to think that people who accepted things were nothing but conformist, settlers and as such unsuccessful because they just accepted whatever happened to them without putting up a fight.
I could not have been more wrong.
“You have to accept, believe and surrender” – Joe Dispenza
Accepting reality as it is, is not giving up. On the contrary, accepting life for what it is, frees you from the feeling of hurt and frustration. It allows you to free enough of your energy to create a more positive state of being. We become free to act without being controlled by the hormones of stress. You can actually think clearly and become a more conscious and active creator of your life.
The mere fact of accepting life for what it is, allows you to move on to achieve your goals because you are not stuck on the negativity of things and that makes you unstoppable.
Let me repeat this again, ACCEPTANCE IS NOT BEING WEAK OR GIVING UP. It doesn’t mean you throw in the towel and all of the sudden you are resigning yourself to a life where you have no power or influence, putting up with just whatever happens to bump into you. It also doesn’t mean that you have to like everything that happens, not at all.
Accepting that things are as they are, allows you to move away from the mindset that often enslaves you. The quicker we accept that things are as they are, without resistance, the quicker our mind can open itself to other possibilities that we may not have previously considered — because we had focused all our energy on one possibility only.
Resisting life as it is happening blinds you from seeing alternative avenues and experiences that await for you outside the narrow path of possibilities you often create for yourself. Trying to control the world around you to mold life to the way you think it needs to be, will only make you miss the wonderful things meant for you because you simply cannot even conceive of them.
For years I held on to ideas, people and emotions that were detrimental to my wellbeing. I was so attached to an illusion, always judging and interpreting life through my blurry and narrow lenses and in that process, I wasted so much time in anxiety and disappointment when instead I could have been enjoying the life I was meant to have.
Looking back now I can see that the happiness I was chasing after was always there, in front of me. I passed up my happiness for misery because I didn’t do one thing.
What’s the one thing I didn’t do?
I did not accept the situation for what it is which would have allowed me to stay in the flow!
Be open to what is being presented for you. Relinquish the resistance you have towards an outcome that you desire because after all, if that outcome is not meant for you, no matter what you do, it will not happen. Conversely, what is meant to happen for you, you can’t stop, even if you try. So instead of creating suffering for yourself when something doesn’t pan out, don’t stress. Become mindful of what is actually being given to you by life — believe it or not, sometimes not getting the outcome we want is often a great blessing.