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Hey, my name is Melissa Ann Mervin, I'm currently 18 right and will be turning 19 September 5. I want to start off by saying that I hate my last name for lots of reasons, but you should understand after reading my story. 

My entire life since I met my current boyfriend has been hell in it still eats at me every day of my life. My mom had 4 sons and me in my little sister but only me and my little sister share the same mom and dad. So, my parents were druggies and as long as I knew them which made the place I grew up in hell. My so-called brothers had lots of problem in the two main problem was anger and abuse. 

Two of my brothers the mainly abuse me was Dwayne and Ronnie, they acted if I was a boy when it came too abuse. I suffered pain and abuse every day in that house from them and neither my mom or dad didn't care to stop the situation. There was no parenting in the house at all and I wish my parent didn't pay the drugs more attention than their own kids. They even had me doing drug deals for them since I was like 5 to a neighbor across the street from my old house. I never knew what was right growing up the so-called family I grew up with. I was like 4 to 5 when I was sexually touched by an old couple my so-called parents allowed to live in the place, I was supposed to call home. I guess that was my childhood and it gets me mad that I had to be a girl during it. Having brothers in a house with parents who were dedicated to drugs is the worst thing for a little girl in if you can relate, I wish you the best. I was the only girl in my house besides my baby sis at the living in a house that always have a lot of people in and out daily. 

My so-called brothers would always host house party at the place I was supposed to call home in most of their friends was guys. Imagine a little 11-year-old girl in a house with lots of guys and parents who was too high on drugs with their room off limits. That little girl was me on the daily in I would always get harassed by so many guys in there in it got me angry because dealing with my so-called brothers was more than enough, now I have random guys harassing me. I didn't have not one person to run too so I just had to avoid the best I can. I couldn't shower without guys coming in or sleep without guys coming in the room. It was like I was cursed because I would always be a target to everyone. 

It took me all the way till I met my current boyfriend for me to realize that telling someone doesn't get me in trouble. Growing up in my so call household I was told by my so-called family and my predators to not tell anyone or it will make it worse for me. imagine that for a young girl growing up dealing with things in told by your parents not to tell anyone as my first lesson that I followed for a while. So, I was touched a lot around 10,11 and 12 because my body was maturing, I guess in it called a lot of creep’s attention including my two brothers. 

Around 12 my mom died from withdraw from the drugs my so-called dad gave her and she collapsed in my arm. In she wasn't the best parent, but she was the only lady who put in some effort of parenting in to be as young as 12 witnessing that really traumatized me. With all the things happening to me that was the last thing I expected in I didn't know how to act after that. But it only got worse for me in the house. I was very venerable after that I didn't have no one to acre about me at all. My so-called brothers’ friends would notice as well in there one

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friend name Andy would force me to do things with him. I had no one to go to I just kept trying to escape situations, but I really didn't have much escape routes. One day he raped me during a party my so-called brothers had in the one so called parent was right in the next room during it. That was the worse unforgettable experience of my life because how can something like that happen if I have a dad and brothers in the house. If only I was a boy, it would of went way different, but I had to be a girl sometimes i wonder if that why my so-called family didn't care. 

It was worse for me in school as well, I barely got sleep or do anything at my so-called home in the last thing I need is teachers calling on me or messing with me. I showed a lot of anger in school because I hated my life and I dealt with harassment in school. I got a charge when I was 13 because I left school because a guy in my school threatened my sis, so I left school and a fat cop griped my arm from behind and it trigger flashbacks instantly. I got mad ibn angry in I kept swinging because I didn't know who it was who grabbed me like that, I just wanted to defend myself so I can save my sister. But that brought me to a further step in hell because I had to deal with court in the law. So, I was placed for my first time after the situation at some placement were, I dealt with abuse from girls around my age. I never was safe no matter where I was at in I even if I told the staffs in the placement wouldn't care because most of them had something to do with it. I been placed a lot because of my hurt and anger in me the courts couldn't see it, so they just kept placing me. 

I couldn't escape many harassment or abuse during my time in placements and hospitals, but I managed to escape rape till I was in a place called The Village in Rosemont pa. It was an old kitchen staff about 50 to 60 he kept harassing other little girls in there including me. I was 14 at the time but at that place we were giving rules some would be to mop, sweep, etc. 

Mine at the time was to go in get the snacks from kitchen from staff and as I was going in to get in, I was grabbed in rapped. I dealt with a lot of vaginal pain in I showered lots of times, but I still felt very disgusting and angry and hurt. It happens again a week later because I thought I was safe because it was a girl staff around, So I didn't think he was going to be there at the time. I really hate that I had to be a girl in this world full of pedophiles and creeps. Growing up I been around older people in I was handed my first cigarette at 9 so I didn't know if it was wrong that I was 11 or 12 and an 18-year-old or 20-year-old wanted to talk to me. So, I only had older boyfriends during my so-called childhood. I actually talked to someone named Zeke who was supposed to drop me off home when I was 12 but ended up taking advantage of me because I was to drunk to understand what was going on just notice bruises the next day. But after that creep I ran from the place with a girl I thought was a friend just to get out of situations at the place and check on my little sister. We didn't really have a place to stay at for the night, but she came up with a place which was supposed to be just her and her boyfriend. It ended up being 4 guys at the place in 3 guys ended up gang rapping me before the night was over. It was like I just had to suffer no matter what I do in life I could ever just be safe anywhere. 

The day after I told my so-called grand mom and she told to ''just go back to The Village'' I didn't expect her to care to much, but I was hoping for a little sorrow or remorse. I dealt with a lot that year in 2015 verbal, sexual and physical abuse for lots of people all around. I really didn't know who to trust because I was never safe or protected, I just kept doing everything to help my little sister. I was raped again at 16 when it was more of a set up and the guy had a gun, but I was aware that him and the girl was dating. And I was just recently smacked full force at an Applebee's in Jenkintown area in Pa. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depression and Bipolar at 12 in I believe it’s more than that in its only gotten worse overtime. It’s so more that happened to me since I was a baby till, I met my boyfriend but those are the main bad traumatic experience I can remember at the moment. I only realize how bad my life truly is since I opened to my boyfriend. He's been a big hero in my life in I can finally say I’m safe and protected for once in life. I learned a lot about life since I met him in, I have way more to learn so I can

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somewhat feel ok in this world. I give my boyfriend the award for best strongest human being because when we met, I was on the urge of giving up. He came at the right time but also the wrong time because I was giving the knowledge that every guy was out to hurt me in, I was not caring no more. I was ready to put up a fight no matter what it meant for me and i did and unforgettable act which cause my current relationship to be very thin and unbalanced. 

I want to make it up for him because he is the only person to care so much to understand me in not judge me and help me make it this far. He's been through a lot in he has a lot of physical issues from accident that won’t let him work. I'm only asking for money to help me pay bills and in rent and therapy and all the things I need to get done in the mean so I can get the help I need. 

I’m un able to get a job because of the lifestyle I lived it cause major flashback when guys are present in, I get bad phobias. So many things trigger my PTSD and I only feel safe in the house with my boyfriend and i hate that it this way. Any support will help even if you’re a real female friend to show me a female figure in my life I never had. I never had a real woman to care for me at all so I would love it if you can just be a great friend to me but must be female

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