What’s the one thing I didn’t do?
I did not accept the situation for what it is which would have allowed me to stay in the flow!
Be open to what is being presented for you. Relinquish the resistance you have towards an outcome that you desire because after all, if that outcome is not meant for you, no matter what you do, it will not happen. Conversely, what is meant to happen for you, you can’t stop, even if you try. So instead of creating suffering for yourself when something doesn’t pan out, don’t stress. Become mindful of what is actually being given to you by life — believe it or not, sometimes not getting the outcome we want is often a great blessing.
“So do I still strive for things or do I just wait for what life brings to me?” That’s the question I often get asked.
It is important that you still create goals and move towards your dreams and that you accompany your goals with action. Accepting life for what it is and staying in the flow doesn’t mean you stop working towards achieving your dreams. It is important that you continue to work towards your goals and set clear intentions, but equally important is for you to let go of the need to control the outcome and the timelines.
Staying in the flow means that you stay open to other possibilities. Life will often recalibrate our direction and take us on an alternative path because that path is the one meant for us. We must exercise gratitude when this happens.
If you constantly resist and stay inflexible, you will face painful times swimming upstream, missing the beautiful flow of the current that is there, available to take you to your ultimate goal — the fulfillment of your soul.
I will give you an example of what happened to me when I was resisting the flow of life. About a year and a half ago, I met a man I became romantically involved with. We clicked and complemented each other in more ways than I have time to tell you. However, I had all kinds of ideas built in my head over the years as to how the perfect relationship should be. I had all kinds of expectations about how much time he needed to dedicate to me, how quickly certain things needed to happen and all the things he needed to do and say.
Anything outside of this box was not going to work for me. I was completely narrow-minded, judging the outcome of this relationship based on my past experiences and ideas rather than on seeing things by their own merit and actuality. Now looking back, I see how crazy this was.
To make a long story short, I had my own plans — LIFE HAD HERS — of course!
Needless to say, every idea I had in my head as to what this relationship needed to be like, did not pan out. As soon as I saw it wasn’t going to produce the outcome I had created in my mind, I began to experience anxiety over it. I complained, judged, analyzed and worse, my mind did what it did best, it pulled me back into what is familiar and known to my subconscious mind.
The usual voices in my head kicked in, “It is not going to work. It is not like any other relationship you ever had. He doesn’t have much time to give you. He is too busy, his every minute is accounted for. He has way too many balls in the air —you will never be a priority. This is not a normal relationship…” and so on and so on, you get the idea no?
I was quickly given a VIP seat on the famous flight-or-fight roller coaster ride of emotions. My systematic nervous system was activated. I went up and down the speed track fueled by a slew of 30 or so hormones and chemicals —the adrenaline rush accompanied by its many insidious friends; noradrenaline, dopamine, epinephrine, and cortisol took control and the chemicals took me hostage. My body tensed, my heart rate increased, my bloodstream went on overdrive, I was running high, ready for war, ready to face the threat.
I was so focused on an outcome that I had built in my head that not getting close to this outcome produced a chemical warfare in my system, sending me to a state of stress and discontent. Suddenly, all I could do is see this new relationship through fatalistic lenses —ready to leave it before it began.
This is the problem of living our lives always resisting what is, we are conditioned by our societal matrix to perpetually judge and classify things through good, bad, normal and not normal lenses all of which are an illusion and far from the actual reality.
I was reminded that what we resist persists. My intuitive guide, Sabrina Heartsong, prompted me to perhaps consider that this relationship was showing up in my life in such a way as to teach me how to stay in the flow and learn something that life was so gracefully presenting. She told me my relationship with this man had manifested itself exactly the way I energetically attracted it. The universe was showing me the areas in my life that still needed healing.
She was right!
Using the past to predict the future:
I had to go within and understand that just because I had a thought about how a real relationship should be, it didn’t mean that a different way couldn’t be great and fulfilling as well.
I was being taught the wonderful gift of staying open to seeing other possibilities that I had not in the past considered because I was too blinded by expecting life to go my way.
We are accustomed to using our past emotions and experiences to predict the future. By doing that, it only leads us to face the same type of experiences we have in the past because we block the possibility of something other than what we think can be great.
Wow, what a lesson!
I took a step back and objectively began to pay attention to all the things I was resisting in my life —not just in this relationship. I realized it made no sense to be so attached to my old ways of seeing the world and understood that this stubborn mindset was what was causing me so much fear and stress. So instead of fighting it, I chose to accept the situation for what it was —he was a busy, complete and an evolved being. My subconscious was not used to that, (lol).
Life was gifting me exactly what I attracted —a fully evolved human, already with a life that was full, fulfilled, and happy. One who didn’t need to be in a relationship at all. He was here because he wanted to be here. I didn’t need to save him. I didn’t need to mold or shape him. He wasn’t going to be my project of ‘potential’ as we often like to do. We often choose people based on potential, not actuality.
It sent my systematic nervous system on overdrive. This guy was the real deal and because my subconscious kept going back into its database to associate him with whatever experiences I had stored in it from my past relationships and experiences, my system would go into an anxiety mode when it couldn’t associate him with any of my old stored patterns. I realized that I was letting myself be defined by how I needed the world to be and that is not what the world actually was.
So I got off the flight-or-fight merry-go-round ride I was stuck on and opened myself to swim with the current of life.
I chose to give the relationship a chance to evolve without trying to force the outcome or the timelines that I originally expected. I stopped resisting things that did not conform to my shoulds. I realized that for everything we encountered in life, there is an alternative reality. I also stopped judging what to me was normal.