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Halfway through the year and I swear it can’t get any worse then it already is. In April I lost the one person I love. June I lost my best friend. No their not dead. Just broken friendships/relationships. I’m still trying to get over the father of my children. With my best friend, I feel like I just need to give her time to come around. Until then I’ll have to grieve for her too. I just hope she does come around. We’ve been friends for 20yrs and she broke up with me because of who was at my bday party. And for the father of my children we were together for 8yrs and have 4 children together, he left me because of one night of drinking and he abused me and my nephew gave him a good beating. Idk how I can manage these losses. I really don’t have anyone to talk to, about how I’m feeling or what’s going on in my life. Usually I’d turn to one of them. But they are no longer in my life.. One thing I wanted to give my children was a father in their life, and I feel like I fucked that up for them. After he left me I literally dreamt about him every night as if he was still with me. For 2 whole months that happened. Until a week before my birthday. I feel lost and empty. I have hope of the future but I highly doubt it..(Sighs) I do I cope with losing them. When they were always there for me. I always defended their name when they weren’t around. And even to this day I still do. People get mad at me for doing so with the father of my children I get that. But I still love him and the thing is I always will. I try not to cry about it which is an everyday thing. How long does it take for it to get easier... 

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I feel for you. But there is no deadline for getting over grief. Everyone heals in their own way and their own time. The first step is to forgive..the ones that caused it and most importantly yourself. This first step took me 20 years with my ex..and 50 years with my with an abusive mother. (Some days I still think about them but it's not as painful because forgiveness. )

People are human and make human mistakes.

The key is to learn this.

Wishing you peace, strength and love to grow and heal through time.
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